Nothing can be more painful after betrayal in a relationship than to have others close to you dismiss your pain and leave you feeling “crazy” for not just “moving on with life”. It can seem as though we live in a world were being betrayed seems to be part of the course of life and those on the receiving end of the betrayal left feeling as though they did something to “deserve it”.
Truth About Deception has a current statistic on the numbers. No wonder we struggle to heal and move forward as we are left potentially retraumatized from the callous responses of others after being traumatized!
After the betrayal we may be left feeling ashamed and self-blaming instead of recognizing the betrayal for what it truly is, a breach of trust, or at worst abuse. If left feeling unsupported, understood, and connected to others; we could be left with varying degrees of emotional suffering. One study states: “Indeed, researchers have demonstrated that traumas high in betrayal are linked with greater severity of PTSD, anxiety, dissociation, alexithymia, and depression symptoms relative to traumas low in betrayal (Goldsmith, Freyd, & DePrince, 2012)”.
When we experience trauma we can start to interact with the world using our built in survival responses such as fight, flight, freeze, flop, or friend, as we start to see the world as an unsafe dangerous place where trust is broken and relationships are unsafe. Even though these survival strategies can be useful during the time of the trauma, they can and do get in the way of us having future happiness.
The way to heal and move forward is to recognize and treat the betrayal as a trauma. Healing from trauma starts with proper self-care and self-compassion. Building one’s self-awareness to bodily responses, emotions, and developing healthy strategies for dealing with the negative emotions. Incorporating mindfulness techniques into daily living. Building on relationships that provide you with support and understanding.
If there is no one in your life currently who can provide that, perhaps a support group, counselor or therapist can be a safe place to start. This is a time in your life that you need the comfort, compassion, and understanding of another. It is not a time to do it on your own.
