Reactive Abuse: What is it?
The term “reactive abuse” is quite confusing and may stir up some very strong emotions for some. The phrase is making the rounds in the news cycle due to an unfortunate tragedy. It is confusing terminology that seems to have been coined some years ago online on one of the chat forums, from what I could decipher. It is referring to the reactive trauma response of “fight”.
When individuals experience prolonged forms of abuse in relationships, which can be physical, emotional, sexual; the survival part of the brain takes the lead in decision making or more accurately survival responses such as fight, flight, freeze, flop, or friend. These survival responses are reactive in nature. The part of the brain that is responsible for good executive functioning and problem solving gets trumped by the brains’ reworking to quickly respond in the presence of danger and hence the traumatized individual reacts without thoroughly thinking through consequences of behavior.
In an abusive relationship, the abusive partner will at times intentionally antagonize the abused partner with the goal of them “looking bad” or “crazy” in front of others. The acting out behavior can make the traumatized partner feel a sense of shame for acting impulsively and out of character. The person experiencing the abuse may even begin to think that they need to act in negative and hurtful ways as a way of surviving, in the now, very ill relationship. This can further lead to feelings of lack of self-worth and self-esteem causing a vicious cycle.
These reactive behaviors unfortunately lead to more pain for the traumatized individual. They may even lead to legal issues within the courts. If your relationship is leaving you feeling as though you are losing your sense of self-worth, self-esteem, or self-efficacy it may be time to seek some professional guidance to assess if the relationship is abusive.
Talking to a counselor may provide you with the clarity you need to start making the decisions that are best for you.
Barbara Duchnowski, ACHt, MSW, LCSW Barbara Duchnowski is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a Master’s Degree in Social Work from Rutgers University. Over the past 25 years of experience in the mental health field, Barbara has worked in various clinical, educational, community, and private practice settings as a therapist, counselor, coach, professional development trainer, in addition to, holding leadership roles.
Through her work, Barbara recognized a pattern of trauma history in relationship to mental health and behavioral challenges encountered by children, caregivers, families, and adults. Barbara is driven by her passion to help those struggling with mental health challenges recognize they “deserve good” in their lives and provide them with the foundations to work towards healing and living a fulfilling abundant life. In addition to her Master’s in Social Work, Barbara is certified as an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist
