Keeping It Real: Being Cheated On and Dumped Hurts. How to Survive.
Being cheated on and “dumped” in a relationship can be one of the most painful experiences one lives through. Moving forward in life can seem nearly impossible. The experience can leave one traumatized, especially if it was unexpected. The feelings are genuine, the pain is real, and feeling alone and lost are the norm.
Many turn to friends and family for support. It can be difficult for others to sit with us in our pain and conversations can quickly move to a sense of toxic positivity. Well meaning statements such as: “You will find someone else”, “You can do better”, “They didn’t deserve you”, “Cheer up, you no longer have the ball and chain”, “There are so many fish in the sea”; can leave one feeling misunderstood, dismissed, and unheard.
Even worse, these statements can make one question one own’s sense of normalcy, “Why am I so upset and hurt when others are telling me to just get over it. Something must be wrong with me”.
Truth is we all grieve the end of each individual relationship we hold differently. It is not a cookie cutter experience with so many factors at play. Human relationships are complicated.
So how to navigate and survive this time in your life? Now is the time for you to be gentle with yourself. Your feelings are real and your experience with them is real. You can allow yourself the time you need to grieve. Take good care of your body and get the sleep and rest you need. Put healthy foods into your body. Get outdoors and breath in some fresh air daily. Practice mindfulness strategies to decrease anxiety by being “in the moment”.
Do at least one thing a day that makes your heart sing. If there is nothing you can think of, recall something you did in the past that brought you some joy and try doing that again. Your heart may not feel the joy in the moment, but it may be a good place to start. Talk to those who you find supportive. If there is no one in your circle to talk with, consider a support group or therapist for a safe space.
Allowing yourself the time and space to heal and grieve are important. If you find that it is too overwhelming and it is challenging to do the daily tasks you have to complete, please reach out to a mental health professional for support and help. They can help guide you to the resources that are right for you. There is nothing to be ashamed of in recognizing that extra support in one of the most challenging times of your life is needed.
Barbara Duchnowski, ACHt, MSW, LCSW Barbara Duchnowski is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a Master’s Degree in Social Work from Rutgers University. Over the past 25 years of experience in the mental health field, Barbara has worked in various clinical, educational, community, and private practice settings as a therapist, counselor, coach, professional development trainer, in addition to, holding leadership roles.
Through her work, Barbara recognized a pattern of trauma history in relationship to mental health and behavioral challenges encountered by children, caregivers, families, and adults. Barbara is driven by her passion to help those struggling with mental health challenges recognize they “deserve good” in their lives and provide them with the foundations to work towards healing and living a fulfilling abundant life. In addition to her Master’s in Social Work, Barbara is certified as an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist
