After the Breakup: 6 Ways to Stop Making Yourself Small and Live with Joy (Part 2)
There is no denying that there is great value in doing good for others and being of support and care to others in our lives. There most certainly is! What is being focused on here is the pattern of not meeting one own’s needs or goals for the sake of others.
We may have learned we need to “do for others” to receive love or be worthy. Reality is we have value in just being. We may have learned that if we “shine” we will leave other’s feeling “left behind” or inadequate. Reality is that others may feel those negative feelings but those are their feelings to deal with.
There is no intention here of wrongdoing or causing harm to another. This is about allowing oneself time to care for oneself, to grow, to be “you”, and allowing one own’s strengths to shine through for the world to see! To stop setting self-imposed limits on one own’s joy. The sense of being one’s “best you” will not take away from others.
Tips to stop making yourself small:
- With intent, practice self-care daily. Schedule an appointment with yourself to take care of you. It is not selfish to take care of our own needs
- Challenge the negative self-talk and reframe to positives such as “Yes, I can do this”, “My time is valuable” and “I have worth”.
- Hone your skills. Take an assessment of your skills and talents and evaluate where you may need to grow to build a fulfilling life for yourself.
- Practice being assertive. That is to speak up on what your needs are and set boundaries with others.
- Have “fun”. Try to do something that makes you laugh or smile daily.
- Get moving. Whatever physical activity you enjoy. This isn’t meant to feel like torment.
Above all, be patient, kind, and loving towards yourself. Afterall, you wouldn’t be this hard on anyone else so why so much demand of yourself? It’s time to live with joy and stop making yourself small!
Barbara Duchnowski, ACHt, MSW, LCSW Barbara Duchnowski is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a Master’s Degree in Social Work from Rutgers University. Over the past 25 years of experience in the mental health field, Barbara has worked in various clinical, educational, community, and private practice settings as a therapist, counselor, coach, professional development trainer, in addition to, holding leadership roles.
Through her work, Barbara recognized a pattern of trauma history in relationship to mental health and behavioral challenges encountered by children, caregivers, families, and adults. Barbara is driven by her passion to help those struggling with mental health challenges recognize they “deserve good”